vblog1

My first vblog! Omg the starting face is so FUNNY lol. I got so bored so i decided to download some software to record videos. Its honestly weird yet extremely fun haha. I had to retake like almost a 100 times because i'm so bad with the software. The audio's probably terrible so just bear with it!
Enjoy hahaha, not.
My dog is so cute y/y?
Its already 4ish! Nightttt.
Bye!

Nah dah

I've been listening to this song all day. I just think its so wonderful.



The words are stringed together so well it almost made me cry haha. I'm home on a Sunday not really doing much. I've been sleeping till l8 missing out on good days that teens usually get up for. Not much to update actually. I wanted to have dinner with Sean today but i persuaded him to have dinner with his friends instead cause they beat me to the planning. Han popped over his place so yes, my persuaion wasn't all that mighty. I had help haha. Off to pick my brother's girlfriend from the airport in a bit. Can't believe 2 weeks lasted this long!
So my room's in such a mess, my pillows, laptops, wires, bags, tissues and blankets are all over the place! And i think i'm in need of a new phone. I love my already almost ancient current one but i'm thinking blackberry or e71. Ne'thoughts? My mom just called and she wants me to stay home instead of picking my brother's girlfriend cause she doesn't have the card to the gate. She's tried to bribe me with doughnuts! I couldn't pick =( She knows my weaknesses so well. I asked her who'd she save if my dad and i were hanging on a clift and she said me! "You can always find another husband, men are disposable."
I shall go watch my dad cook prawns, i feel so fucking deprieved.
My allergies came back for no apparent reason a couple days ago, not fun at all.
Hating it so bad.
Shall blog soon k! <3

Sleepy sleepy me

Look at my dark rings! Yawn.
I'm dead beat and its only 8 48pm! Gloria got her acceptance letter today with a year of exemption. Congrats babe =) I was so eggcited cause i thought my letter came too. But no =( Well i applied later a week or two later than Gloria so it'll take about that long before it comes. I honestly hope its gonna happen somewhere this week (which is highly impossible i think) cause Curtin just started following me on Twitter! My application to RMIT is complete so i'm hoping i get a successful admission as well. This year has been such a terrible year for me having experiencing so many let downs all residing in one by one, i feel like i deserve a thumbs up on this one so at least 2009 will always be remembered as a year that took the turn for a better. Wish me luck everyone!
Ha, my diet totally died out today. I just HAD to have kfc. I need someone to motivate me. vereh. badly. I've been so tired all day having lost so much sleep over the last few days. Sleep hasn't been as enjoyable from before. I feel so terrible. The one thing i love doing most is getting a goodnights'rest. Nowadays, the softest squeak sets me sitting up or laying in bed for hours feeling utterly disturbed while i try endless amounts of ways to regain shuteye. It usually takes hours before that works, my eyes grow heavy and my eyelids fail me. Even so, the morning after i feel worn out, ugly, groggy and perfectly care less about anything. So anyway, i wore my yoga pants out today :B I'm still so fascinated by how they flare out so perfectly at the bottom. My right shoulder aches from carrying a ton files, certificates and of course my essentials around all day. I want/need a massage!

Off to go be lazy now.
Miss it so so so much.
Denise, please stop eating fast food.
Love you readers, bye!

4 hours

I just spent 4 hours filling in my RMIT application form.
That's just phase one. I had to write about a 1000+ words. I did so many thorough checks. I hope its perfect! I'm gonna do phase 2 now.
Miso sleepy. My eyes have never felt so tired before.

I am so hungry =(
Had a gr8 day. Got to see my baby cousins and they were wearing baby Gucci shoes! My education agent helped waive my application fee so i'm a 100AUD richer. Off to do my apps now :<
Finally done! I've gotta go catch some shuteye now. My life feels like an endless routine of stress and sleep. Have to be up at 11! Hope all goes well. If you're feeling even just a pinch bit curious about what i'm doing, remember i have twitter =)
Sean if you ever read this, love you plenty.
gdnight!

On the outside

That is the face i never get bored of. That's the face that makes us both laugh, that's the face i like. Today's face, not quite. Today's face stresses me out, brings forward so much anger sigh. Gimme back that face Sean.
Just thought i'd blog before going to bed.
First, i'm just gonna say HEHE HAHA AND HUHU and leave you clueless.
Second, i'll blog about my Tuesday. So, my dad and i went out alone for awhile to a club pub nearby. A nice lady yanked me off my seat to play some fruitish bejeweled haha. I ordered fries on the side while sucking 7up out of a really beaten up straw. A crazy guy bought me a drink, he insisted i had whisky but my dad moderated it down to a coke. Every one there thought my dad was some cheating bastard who was cheating on his wife for a young girl. A guy with a blue plaid shirt didn't want to believe i was my dad's daughter and only 18, some other guy tried to flirt just a little. Much happened but again i'm lazy to go into the details. There's this woman who always comes in a brown suit and a group of different men everytime i see her. I pretty much dislike her for she deliberatly tried to kiss my dad in front of my mom. Once she got there, she kept calling out to my dad in a scandalous way, almost begging him to play a game of pool with her. She definitely brought herself down a few notches, probably cause his daughter was sitting right across her at a different table with eyes clearly diverted at her sending signals of disgust. She's known as the club's free rider. She's 30ish, a divorcee and has a son. Sometimes i wonder why people choose to live their lives like that. I mean, she's not too bad looking, not horrible and she seems like an alright person to be with. My mom on the other hand, calls her a cow, i'm still wondering why so don't ask. She came in with two boys who looked my age and turns out, she's actually dating one of them. "I'm very friendly with men one. Whether they got wives or not, i don't care. If you don't like it, than too bad." That's what she told my mom the first time they met.
Gutsy i must say.

I needa catch some shuteye.
I'm working tomorrow afternoon, the last day for the month!

Midnight drive

MY BROTHER AND I ARE SO NOT FATED TO HAVE MACS FOR BREAKFAST!
FIRST, THEY HAD AN OVERWHELMING RESPONSE AT 4AM.
THEN THEIR BIKER'S BIKE BROKE DOWN AFTER I PLACED MY SECOND ORDER WHICH WAS SUPPOSE TO COME RIGHT ABOUT..NOW.
I wish subway did 24hr deliveries. I'm actually pretty satisfied though. got myself a good pan of hot sizzling apple crumble with fried apple slices soaked in caramel and milk for supper. I picked a green balloon out of the ballon rack swensens had haha. On the way back, Sean drove with the windows down on the highway. It was so empty and peaceful, the roads orange. My camera almost fell out of my hands just to get the 3rd shot. I typing in such snappy sentences, i know. I just had to blog but i'm too tired to explain everything in detail. Bout my twit having to call overseas just to get in my block was crucial. I had to pee so bad, i stitched my legs together in twists and stood at the intercom dialing two different set of numbers with two different hands on two different sets of numberpads. The decision to call my brother's girlfriend was made on pure impulse as you know why. I was so relieved the moment she picked up! So relieved right after saying hi, i proceeded to say "Fuck, i need to pee omg omg omg." At times like these, i wish my mama was home! So i called Sean who was driving at 15km per hour for god knows what reason on the long straight road. That was on impulse too, just needed comfort. In the end, i walked my bloated bladder to the guardhouse and back to get one of the guards who cycled on his bike happily i had to barely jog to keep up. Just so you know, i live miles away from the guardhouse and my usual incentive to walk anywhere is the pool. I thanked him endlessly and sprang into the lift, out the doors and into my home where i continuted to run for my poor bladder, leaving a trail of my belongings along the way. Long story short, today was a uhm..busy day? I write horribly don't i haha.
Its so l8 now. 5 24, shall hit the sack. Gonna try and get up at 10 to meet my Jia.


I love light pictures. I love the little capital R's floating right.






Everyone's back to school, having exams. Lucks all.
And im stranded on a cold dark morning awaiting the good lord to deliver some grace.
Also, i'm waiting for something that i'm sure is never coming. I feel insecure, my heart ticking like a timebomb. So many emotions.
Night.

out of a title

Got myself pretty capris pants! well yoga pants, i love how they flare out at the bottom. I'm too lazy to blog and right at the top's a picture of my boyfriend driving. He asked me to take a shot because "actually uh, there's no picture of me driving". There is now! My camera is so horrible. it deceives me.

Talylor Swift songs really aren't that bad huh haha.
my life feels boring. Read my twitter kay :}
I can't believe i'm still up at 6.29am listening to mgmt.
Shall go to bed for real nao.
goodnight!

Gibberish

I sit alone at the cofee table slurping in noodles that taste like loneliness and boredom with nothing to care about. I'm not all alone but the afternoon's so quiet i can feel my dog's heartbeat travel up through my insides it actually makes me a little nervous. I have so much to think about, responsibilities to fulfill i feel like i'm growing up too fast, my life wasting away. It's true that i'm a thinker, i have a over fond liking of depth. My mind wanders through all the thoughts i've been trying to avoid, peering deeper, crutching onto them, taking everything to a whole new level of apprehension. I know i'm not the kind of girl you see at butter every night, though i'm afraid i'm too boring. This is such a terrible confession because being boring never quite occured to me till now. Sure i enjoy drinking with friends once in a while but i'm in no need of daily liquor to keep my hands steady. I never found the fascination using alcohol as an escape. Maybe its because i never saw the glamour in it. I've watched people high on drugs, throw glasses and broken bottles at one another, indulge in alcohol to escape the harsh reality that sleeps alongside them, paraded through layers and layers of thick choking smoke where drunkards sit and talk crap amongst themselves when i was so much younger.
That's probably why it the night act never appealed to me.

I guess i'm just feeling mellow because i'm alone with my brother on a cold night without my parents, needing some source of assurance or company. Anyway on a totally different note, i never knew photobucket could edit your pictures so well! For a free editing software, its almost impressive.

Q. Have you surpised yourself yet?
A. I'm think i'm losing at a bet made by myself against myself.

Just like everything else, we awake every morning to a common challenge. Fronts and strengths on, ready to face the sun and its horizon of awaiting obstacles ever so equipped to knock us off our unstable feet.

I am going to try and surprise myself.

Anxious

Morning.



Lots of things to do at home. I'm so anxious awaiting the university replies! Its been about two weeks since my education agent helped me send out the applications. Hoping for a year exemption at least fror ECU! Every morning i awake, the first thing i do is check my cell to see if i have any texts or missed calls from her. Ahh the wait is really getting to me. Meanwhile, i'm waiting for my lunch to arrive, the weather's so breezy today. I can see the palm trees swaying left and right. Makes it such a perfect day to swim hmm. Shall watch a little tv while i contemplate. Neway, isn't Lim Jiayi the cutest? Aw.
Ok, i'll twit my day out!


















A little tumbling here as promised. Please don't hotlink these images, i don't want my photobucket bandwisth to exceed again. Credits are on my tumblr.
Watched gg season3 episode 1 yesterday, was GOOD.
About dieting, i am only gonna start..right after this mcspicy.
Have a gr8 Thursday all!

Update

Shall go read horrible histories before catching some shuteye. Feeling really clean and light. Just took a bath at 3 in the morning! Brrr cold. Yawn yawn.
Went marketing today! got myself lotsa chocolates =) mesoooo happy.
Hahaha night!
So craving for pasta and ice cream!

Oooo

Hahahaha i feel like having some frolick now.
I tumblr alot so i'll post more photos and quotes on this ever so dead blog.

Back

My photobucket's back!
on a totally different note, i've decided to live and let live. Holding on to grudges just makes life so much harder. Spiderman taught me something, to always forgive yourself before you forgive others.

Gonna have some lamb chop now ohweeeeee :>

Fucking long entry

My mind's unsettled, has been since that evening, my thoughts angry, there was so much more i wanted to say but i held back afraid i'd come across as harsh. Sometimes in life you try to focus so much on others, you leave yourself to complete vulnerability.
I want to explain myself here but the problem's pretty much settled from your perspective so my explaination would be of no worth to you. If you know who you are, close the browser please.




I'm uncomfortable with the situation now though everyone's okay with it, i feel more than just a pinch of awkwardness. We've been friends for years now, i wouldn't want something this trivial to ruin our friendship. Trivial or not, it bugs me and if you can't abide by that, i can't be bothered to relate myself to you either. You don't respect my rights, neither did you consider my feelings nor thought about the consequences of your actions. I can understand that you were trying to bring the best out of the situation. BUT from your perspective. Not mine or his. When i said i'd let things slide, i knew eventually things would die down. Even during that period if i were to feel awkward, at least i'll be suffering alone. That'll give me time to tabulate all my thoughts carefully now wouldn't it.
Just like any individual i expect least of all my friends to respect my rights and reasons. I'm not obliged to give you full explanatory details of my life. So when i say something, taking my word for it and try to understand why i'm in such a position, to get an arial view of the situation instead of pouncing to conclusions you personally feel are best.
Its not a matter about whether the rest cares or if theyre so busy with their fucking commitments, its BASICALLY about respecting my decisions, rights and reasons. I told you because i trusted you, i believe you had the power to empathise with others best but it clearly seems to me, i was wrong.
Don't get me wrong, you're not a terrible person for trying to help.
In fact, you're great but thats not the point of this post.
All i wanted you to do was to keep something trivial to yourself for awhile. We might even look back one day and laugh about it.
I told you it was awkward not once, not twice but prolly a zillion times. I expected you to respect my rights and decisions.
I didn't even get an apology.
In short, i don't give two fucking shits about what the rest think because it has absolutely nothing to do with them and getting them involved would be uneccessary. I felt like i was facing a panel of judges. Don't publicise the problem if it involves 2 people, get them to confront privately. So only the 3 of you would know. What a person channels to another never is a 100% accurate. I'm pretty sure you've played pass the message or chinese whispers, the laws can be applied here too. I wouldn't have minded a personal confrontation. After all, i think its a personal kinda situation. Note personal.
If you feel that sharing your problems with your friends are important & a must-do, try to get both sides of the story so coming to a good conclusion would be easier.
When i confronted you today, you weren't partically nice as well.
I'm sorry i told you, i'm sorry i thought you could keep it a secret, i'm sorry you feel that the problem lies with me, i'm sorry you're taking time off your commitments to attend to a "settled" situation but i'm most definitely NOT sorry having brought the situation face front today because i believe i deserve some simple respect.
If you feel that you're right, you won't even be reading this line.
I hope you're a happy person.
Least i walk out from this having learnt one lesson.

• if you're afraid of hurting or causing any distress to anyone, just keep your fucking problems to yourself.
  

Fruzztration

I'm honestly really tired of everyone coming after my back. Springing things in my face only at the last minute. I always have to make erratic decisions. I cause distress to others, put them in a tight spot which i detest, all for you "greater" good. I have to face people and my dignity stands on a thin fine line. If you're so impatient about getting things done, just do them without me. I have responsibilites to fulfill, maybe you don't. So please, stop pressurzing me. I go feeling the worst sometimes because i have to much to face. I put on a facade, tell myself to be brave. I don't even wanna do this. Its something i hate, nothing productive but i have no other choice. Friends who i once thought were the greatest are now people i know i can never trust.
I'm sorry, i can't help but bear even the tiniest grudge.
I don't know why you did it but at least now, i know you're not worth my time.
Better l8 than never D.

No substance

Things are gonna change. May it be for the better or worse, its still a direction.
Shan't hog the lappy anymore. I gotta be a good host!
I ate too many marshmellows and burnt sausages my stomach's flipping crazy now.
Buaiz

Rebellion, caution.

Oh rebellion.
I'm never cut out for that kinda junk.
Sometimes i wish people would stop thinking i'm so good. Its just cause i don't club, don't drink all that much and i don't smoke. No i'm not that much of a goodie goodie. I don't resent tattoos but i do resent smoke swriling in my face. I know i'm loud, crazy only with people i'm comfortable with, i start conversations, i am capable of being disgusting. I unwedge like everybody else when nobody's looking, i'm just like all of you. I like books, art, nail polish, sports and a whole lot of things. I know i don't drink all that much cause i don't know how much i can take. I dislike it when everybody teases you cause your face's all red or imagine if you break down and drown everyone around you in your alcoholic despair. Things could always get worse. Clubbing's okay for me but my mom's too conservative. She treats me as if i'm 5 sometimes. She calls me almost every 2 hours to make sure i'm okay, asks me if i've eaten anything all the time, gets cautious with what i wear. I know she means well. Yet when she isn't around to do all those things, i kinda miss her.
She cleans up after me, talks about Michael Jackson too often, has a undying affair with diamonds, loves intese high heels, makes sure i've done my assignments, forces me to take my vitamins and buys me my favourite stuff. Maybe when i'm older, she'll cut me some slack. Though i hope she'll always be this loving haha.
Caution, rebellion, my post just went off point.
I shall try rebellion one day.

On the other hand, my boyfriend has a horrible addiction for poker. Its so horrible he evaded his way out of taking me to buy dinner just so he could pick his friends. I had to snack on cup noodles at 1 in the morning.
If only he loved me like how he loves poker. On second thought, i'd rather that not happen. I'd totally freak. I'm still gonna whoop his ass tomorrow, there's no evading that.
Read my twitter if you wanna know what i'm doing :>
Night!

Feels like an update

First, HAPPY 18TH AFIQAH!
have a splendiiiid 18th love.

My tuesday was pretty great. Follwed b to keppel so he could bowl the intendedly 6pm squad but there were complication so 7 30 to be exact. Went to Bob's place for dinner after. Dinner was delicioussss, i'd call it western cause of the potato cubes with bacon bits, beef, french loaves, sausages and cucumber soaked in effing good sauce haha. I have no idea what their dad used but it sure was good. I've been snacking on cookies my mom got from Johor today. I'm probably on my 30th cookie or something. I think i've developed munching as a hobby. I always have to have something in my mouth even on the go! Just have to say, Malaysian food is heaven compared to Singapores. Even their burgers! Deliciouz. Got to meet up with my old friends yesterday. Wasn't there for long but it sure was fun to see them again. An old teacher was there too, good ol' memories. I've actually got more photos from yesterday but they're all in Nat's dslr so the massive photoblog update will have to w8! Meanwhile, you're stuck with lousy panasonic pictures. There were more of us but lazy me only decided to put my cam to use when we were on our back on the circle line.
Is the body suit thingy Shakira wearing in she wolf awesome or whutttt.
Or maybe its just me.

















Goodnight peoplez.
If you give a care about the world, gimme some makeup tips. More specificaly, eye makeup tips haha. I need an ingenious solution.

Good day

Had a gr8 Monday!
Shall update tomorrow.
I'm feeling a tad sick, my throat feels inflamed =<